Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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