final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
