hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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