Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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