i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
50% drunk capacity currently
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
