I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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