i don't like sucking hair
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
