Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
