You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
