Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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