Life is so much better after having sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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