I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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