So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
