So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
