And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
