i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can I color on your dick again?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
