You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
