I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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