Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
