Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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