Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
