I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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