i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Found the puke drawer
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
