i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
