you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
