Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
