I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
