I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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