I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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