I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
