yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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