youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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