i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
