Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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