youre lurking in front of me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
