And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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