just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
