im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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