Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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