my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
