why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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