I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
