I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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