Sponge bath it is.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
