I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
