i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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