It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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