Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
