Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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