my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
