kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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