Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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