shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
