Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
