I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
