Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
