Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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