I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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