That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't turn off my feet"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
