the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
