I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize