Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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