it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I look excited, but its just a facade.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
