he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
