Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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