so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
