There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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