Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
